Just around the river bend

I wish that I had the excitement and enthusiasm that Pocahontas quote brings to mind, but quite frankly I don't. My internship has been done for almost 3 weeks now and I'm back at home, my work at Moonlight is done and I am without occupation. I have these glimmers of hope on the horizon, but none of them is anything certain. I had an awesome interview at the La Jolla Playhouse the week after my internship ended, but unfortunately they know they won't have anything for me at all until at June at best and even then, that is uncertain. I got an email to set up an interview with the Steppenwolf Theatre Company in Chicago for a nine month apprenticeship, but it's not until the 9th and I'm still pretty much in shock to have heard from them at all. I thought I would be able to keep myself content by applying for other production assistant jobs that I had seen listed but they all seem to have been filled (please people, take down the listing if you are no longer hiring). I thought that it would be a nice time to try the whole Etsy thing again but I just can't seem to get any kind of creative juices flowing beyond my Pinterest boards. I feel like I'm in this huge holding pattern filled with maybe's and I am not coping well. I just need one "yes", just a little encouragement that I'm not wasting my time with applications and making trinkets.  I just don't want to have to get a job just for the sake of having a job, but quite frankly I would take one of those at this point.
    I'm starting to feel a little crazy, like I imagined it all and I'm not actually going to get anywhere in this industry, but I refuse to believe it. I will continue meditating on Psalms 94:19, ""When doubts filled my mind, your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer." and remember what the Cheshire Cat said to Alice.

"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"

                  "That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.

"I don’t much care where" said Alice.

"Then it doesn’t matter which way you go," said the Cat."

"-so long as I get SOMEWHERE," Alice added as an explanation.

"Oh, you’re sure to do that," said the Cat, "if you only walk long enough."

Only, this Alice has figured out where she wants to be. Unfortunately, the road is still just as murky and confusing. 

Moving On

So I'm not going to waste my time apologizing for not having written anything in forever, cause at this point we all know that I fail at this. SO ANYHOW... I'm in the last few days of my internship at the Old Globe. I took this internship to see if stage management was a good path for me and I have found that the answer is a resounding "no." I have the utmost respect and appreciation for stage managers, but I am not cut out to be one. I never did learn to whisper, I'm terrible at being quiet, there is a TON of paperwork and nothing very creative. My mantra for this internship became, "Your opinion is irrelevant, your opinion is irrelevant." I can't do that my whole life!
   I don't mean to say that I didn't enjoy this internship, I did. I made a fantastic new friend, my fellow intern Danielle, and without her I think I would have been utterly miserable. There were some other great parts, some wonderful people, and lots to learn, but overall this isn't the path for me. Hence, I have 4 or 5 applications out for different properties internship programs and I will hopefully hear back from some of them soon. If not, I will figure something out but that is what I'm hoping for at the moment. I think that props will be a much better route for me, it has history and crafty skills and so many things I enjoy. So we shall see. At least I have few days of work with Moonlight once I finish here, after that I will have to find something to do.