Just around the river bend

I wish that I had the excitement and enthusiasm that Pocahontas quote brings to mind, but quite frankly I don't. My internship has been done for almost 3 weeks now and I'm back at home, my work at Moonlight is done and I am without occupation. I have these glimmers of hope on the horizon, but none of them is anything certain. I had an awesome interview at the La Jolla Playhouse the week after my internship ended, but unfortunately they know they won't have anything for me at all until at June at best and even then, that is uncertain. I got an email to set up an interview with the Steppenwolf Theatre Company in Chicago for a nine month apprenticeship, but it's not until the 9th and I'm still pretty much in shock to have heard from them at all. I thought I would be able to keep myself content by applying for other production assistant jobs that I had seen listed but they all seem to have been filled (please people, take down the listing if you are no longer hiring). I thought that it would be a nice time to try the whole Etsy thing again but I just can't seem to get any kind of creative juices flowing beyond my Pinterest boards. I feel like I'm in this huge holding pattern filled with maybe's and I am not coping well. I just need one "yes", just a little encouragement that I'm not wasting my time with applications and making trinkets.  I just don't want to have to get a job just for the sake of having a job, but quite frankly I would take one of those at this point.
    I'm starting to feel a little crazy, like I imagined it all and I'm not actually going to get anywhere in this industry, but I refuse to believe it. I will continue meditating on Psalms 94:19, ""When doubts filled my mind, your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer." and remember what the Cheshire Cat said to Alice.

"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"

                  "That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.

"I don’t much care where" said Alice.

"Then it doesn’t matter which way you go," said the Cat."

"-so long as I get SOMEWHERE," Alice added as an explanation.

"Oh, you’re sure to do that," said the Cat, "if you only walk long enough."

Only, this Alice has figured out where she wants to be. Unfortunately, the road is still just as murky and confusing.