So, today was crazy hair day in Ms. Kelsey and Ms. Megan's class and it was pretty epic. At first I was feeling pretty goofy about going to school with my hair done all crazy, we typically have to look quite professional, but by the time we got all the kid's hair crazed up and the party in full swing I was feeling pretty good. It got me thinking about beauty, I have been mulling this over for a while now and I have come to realize that recently I really feel most beautiful when I'm on the playground running around with the kids and being crazy. When I'm playing, I'm not thinking about what my hair looks like or if I'm wearing the most becoming outfit, I'm just playing and content with me just the way I am.
For a while I lived this way, back in high school right around senior year, I got to this point where I realized, "Screw it, if they don't like me by now, they're never going to," and I lived my life. Then came the boyfriend. I was still the same with everyone else, but suddenly his opinion mattered and I started to change to make him happy, then that ended and I didn't know how to define myself any more. Gradually I have been working for the past two years on rebuilding myself and figuring out how to get back to that place of living without the concerns of trivial things like outer beauty because I know that while it is important, the inner-beauty is what ultimately lasts.
I think there are a lot of girls who fall into this same pit and that is why relationships go bad. If we don't know who we are and have a firm belief and base in our own self-worth it is far too easy to compromise and become warped and crumbling versions of ourselves, catering to someone else and trying to be what some one else wants us to be. I don't want my self worth to be dependent on anyone but me and God. I want to live my life with total abandonment of concerns that hold me back from making the most and I want to have healthy relationships in which my self worth is complimentary to my significant others, not dependent upon them.
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